Wednesday, March 12, 2008

snowy wednesday...

Sitting here at my desk, taking a bit of a break, stretching my overstretched back.
It's Wednesday March 12. It's snowing. I have 7 days left here and am comfortably excited about this next step in my life. It's been years and years since I've had the freedom to let my life flow like this. When I was younger and without constraints I had a blind trust that I lived by. People often thought I was flighty or even foolish... to "up and go" from a job or a home and onto the next thing, without (at least it seemed to them) much thought. I had a knowing inside me that everything would be fine. It never occurred to me to think any other way.

Then life went on and somehow that spark got snuffed. Kids, mortgages, the "future", combined with loss and hardship. I went along, still made my changes, but from a different place. I changed situations with the hope that it would make things better, not with a knowing. There was a huge difference between the two, because none of those changes could have made a spit of difference anyway.

The pages turn, the seasons unfold. Here I am again, years later. Still me, still looking for the glorious changes. Now I'm entering back into that fun place of knowing, and I actually remember that feeling that I used to have when I'd take my leaps. That silly little knowing, the excitement about the adventure that comes with taking the step and then watching for the opportunities to come. It's magical and what living is all about --- taking these risks, and trusting that there is unlimited stuff out there. Stuff.... love, abundance, happiness, friends, fun, sunny days, snowy days.

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.

Agnes de Mille (1908 - )

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